who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize