Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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