Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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