I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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