we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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