dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
