Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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