I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
