I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
