Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
