I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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