No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Someone came in the potted fern
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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