the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize