I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
