it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
