I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
