I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
