I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize