we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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