We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
