just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
