Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
