Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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