Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
