Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
