I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
