He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
