He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
