Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
