Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
