why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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