i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
All the doctor said was why
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
