Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize