my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
