i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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