Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
