your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize