a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
