What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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