I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
