I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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