3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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