Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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