so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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