Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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