I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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