Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize