I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
