i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
