I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize