Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize