My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
