i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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