Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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