I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
