Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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