Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize