for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
