Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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