That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
