Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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