The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
