Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
