Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
