If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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