I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
