I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
