I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
