her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
