If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
