a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
