I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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