So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
