You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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