We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
