Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need to sanitize my soul.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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