Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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