Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize