I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I need to sanitize my soul.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
