I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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