YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
