Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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