It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
