I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize