No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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