You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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