twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
