its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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