I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm going to jail i love you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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