Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
