Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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