umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
