My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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