Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I AM VODKA MAN
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
