I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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