I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
