omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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