were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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