dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize