Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
