Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
