I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She told me I should be a condom model.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
