Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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