YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
