I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
