is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
